5 Simple Questions You Must Ask Yourself to Know if its Time for Divorce.
When it comes to divorce, one of the first challenges we often have to overcome is deciding that it is time for a divorce. While we might find it easy to observe and help others, it’s usually a lot harder when we are experiencing it ourselves. What follows are five simple questions you can ask yourself to know if its time for a divorce.
Beware, even after you have made your decision, you will experience moments of self-doubt. But take comfort in the fact that in hindsight the majority of people say that they stuck with a marriage longer than they should have.
Let your knowledge of your personality guide you. If you are a reactive person, you might want to slow down and make sure divorce is really what you want. If you tend to be more cautious, you may be dragging out your decision.
To see if you are ready for a divorce, ask yourself the following questions. You might find it useful to jot your answers down on paper to help crystallise your thinking.
Would I want my children or another loved one to be in a marriage like mine?
This is a great question to ask because often we take on far more than we would happily let a loved one endure. If the answer is no, then maybe it is time for divorce.
Is there anything that you can do to resolve your situation?
Have you considered counselling to try and resolve your problems? Do you want to? Another gut check is to imagine that everything between you and your spouse is resolved. Would you then be happy to stay with your partner or would you still be thinking about divorce?
Have you discussed and both agree it’s time for divorce?
If you want a quick and relatively pain-free divorce, you and your spouse must agree to it. You might not both want to divorce, but there has to be an acceptance by both sides that it’s the only option. If you don’t have an agreement, the divorce process is going to take longer, and it will cost more in legal fees as you have to argue your case through the courts.
The exception to this is if you and your spouse have lived apart for more than five years. In this situation, you do not need your spouse’s agreement, although you still have to go through the divorce process.
Are you or your children at risk?
While separating amicably is the ideal option, it might not always be possible. If you are in danger or there is a risk to your children or your assets, get professional advice straight away.
Are you emotionally prepared for divorce?
Preparing yourself emotionally is an important but often overlooked part of the divorce process. The specifics of each divorce are unique, but we all tend to go through the same emotions when faced with great change. The Change Curve model below describes the stages most people go through as they adjust to this change.
People’s initial reaction tends to be shock or denial. But eventually, people stop focusing on what they’ve lost. They start to let go and accept the change. They begin testing and exploring what the change means and how they must adapt. It’s at this point that you and your spouse need to be to move forward with your divorce. If you try to press ahead too early, then you could find yourselves falling back into conflict.
Generally, if you initiated the divorce, you are more likely to be further along in the process of coming to terms with change compared to someone who has recently found out that they’re facing divorce.
If you are finding it difficult to emotionally come to terms with your situation, two great tips are to get some exercise and talk with friends. Exercise causes your body to release endorphins, and these feel-good chemicals raise your mood and put you in a more resourceful state of mind. And the simple act of talking with friends releases tension and helps you see your situation more clearly. It also helps to think about what you would like your life to look like in the future. Having goals for the future will help you define your criteria for how you will eventually split assets and co-parent your children. It also acts as a north star, keeping you on track when your days don’t go so well.
If you are ready for divorce, and want to get started we have three fixed price services with no hidden costs.
We do everything for you – we draft and file all divorce documents with the courts, and manage communication between the court, your spouse or any opposing solicitors. This costs only £249.
Help! I need more information.
If you are still confused about divorce and need more help why not request a call back? You can explain your situation and we can offer guidance on your options.